Running on empty....

Any advice from other breastfeeding mommies?? My body has seemed to first be in milk producing overdrive, now it's calmed down. I'm learning that I make just enough to make Anna satisfied with each feeding every 3 hours. I just can't seem to get ahead so I can pump a bottle for her if I'm gone. A reserve for Peter. I'm pumping in the morning and now after each feeding to try to get some saved up! Any other advice from my mommy friends? Who ever said this whole breastfeeding business was easy? They lied!

Sacrifices

Tonight I ventured out after bible study to spend an hour and a half at the gym. Well, at least that was the goal. I think I made it there, had enough time to pee and then hit the treadmill. Just as I was getting into the groove with some good quality worship music on my iPod, the phone rings. (Mind you, I instructed Peter to call only if Anna had been crying for at least 10 minutes and if he really thought I needed to come home) On the phone, Peter and a crying Anna in the background. He told me it was time to come home. My first thought....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I've only been here for 6 minutes please don't make me come home! My response was this: Have you tried the pacifier? Is she wet? She shouldn't be hungry, it's only been an hour and a half. Did you wake her up when she was sleeping? Have you tried the swing? Have you tried the 5 S's? You get the drift, running through the whole list. I guess the scenario was she was sleeping in her car seat (we had just gotten home from bible study) and he woke her up while getting her out. I'm starting to think she takes after me in this area, she recently hates getting woken up from sleeping. She will cry for about 10 minutes and after some snuggling, she's back to sleep and the world is happy again. So, after doing his best, she was still crying. He begged me to come home insisting she needed to eat. I tried reassuring him that she would calm down and to let her cry it out a little while longer. I couldn't convince him.

Mom came home despite her own desires. What do I find? A baby fast asleep in Daddy's arms. I think it's easy for me to not worry about this case because I'm with her all day and have started to really get to know her. Peter is only with her at night and is still learning so much about her and how to soothe her and what calms her down which is why I think he wanted me to come home. I so badly wanted to have some alone time, some time to call my own, and start making that a priority in my day. Of course Anna and Peter will come first but, I really want to start setting aside some "worship and workout time" I call it, for myself. Some time where no one is crying, asking what is for dinner, asking where a shirt is, if the dishes are clean or dirty. You get the drift.

Apart from my disapointment of having to come home early and end my night I find a joy in coming home to nurture Anna. I love knowing that if she needs to eat, she needs me....mostly, I love that Peter and I are a team when it comes to nurturing Anna. We work together to figure out what works and what doesn't. There is so much to learn! Mainly, I learned tonight that the sacrifices we make as moms, big and small are so rewarding. So, as Anna sleeps on Peter's chest for the next hour until her next feeding, I'm going to try to slip in some sit-ups and try to regain the stomach I once had as the gym is now closed until the morning........

The Stats.....

Today Anna had her 2 week appt. Even though she's almost 3 weeks.......anyway, I am so amazed at how much she has grown! She has grown an inch and a quarter and she's now 7 lbs on the dot. Amazing! So, she's 20.25 inches and 7 lbs. Growing like a little weed. She's in the 10th percentile for weight and 25th percentile for height. The doctor said she looks amazing and is doing really well. When we were leaving to go to the Dr. I put Anna in her carseat and when I was strapping her in, she started looking at her toy! I was so proud! She's starting to look at as so much more and it just seems like she is so much more aware of things around her. It's exciting to watch her meet these little milestones!

Moving on to life's issues.........So, work has only approved a six week leave of absence. That puts me going back to work on April 14th which there is no way I'm willing to do that! That's 3 weeks from now and even before my 6 week appt. with Dr. Mellum! Before I had her, my manager verbally approved a 12 week leave and now I got a paper in the mail with a 6 week only approval. So, I need to talk to my manager and put in my 2 weeks if she will not approve another 6 weeks. With that said, I've really been praying about this issue this week. It is not in my personality to quit just because I'm not getting what I want. On the other hand, I really feel like the Lord is telling me that I need to not back down on this issue and not settle for any offer of extended leave but my full request. I truly feel like I need the full 12 weeks with Anna. It has been such a sweet time with her and she needs me for everything! It's amazing to get to know her more and more each day. I know her cries, what calms her down, what she does when she's hungry, when she's tired, when she just wants to be held. It's amazing! So, the 12 weeks I will take with her, even if it means starting over at a whole new hospital and a new job. I applied to St. Mary's the other hospital in Reno today and have a couple offers on different floors. I would really love to be in the ICU and bypass all the patient ratio dilemmas. Hopefully I'll hear back soon and have more of an idea of what direction to take. Ideally, I would love to just be home with Anna, but I carry the health insurance for the family and have to work at least part time to be benefited. I continue to pray that the Lord would direct me in this place of uncertainty............first a new place to live, then an unexpected pregnancy, a new job, new friends, now a new baby......this past year has been in one word OVERWHELMING. Now maybe another new job. I rest tonight in the peace that the Lord knows his plan for me and that he'll direct my path in this decision......

P.S. Anna is AMAZING! Still so in love!

So in love.......

Today I found myself staring at Anna. I really do think I could stare at her all day long! She is absolutely the most perfect thing I've ever seen. She's amazing. I love her facial expressions, her yawns, her squeaks, the way she loves to suck on her fingers. I just love everything about her. I love being up with her at 2 AM (I'm sure that won't last long). I'm already sad at the thought of having to go back to work. I just want to be home with my baby all day long!

On another note, we went to our first breastfeeding class today. It wasn't really a class, more a time to get help breastfeeding in a group. Crazy how modesty just flies out the window when you have a baby. At the class, there were probably 8 moms with their boobs out in the open trying to figure out the mechanics. Before, I would have not joined the crowd but for some reason, I had no problem with it! I was one of them, boob to the wind trying to make this whole breastfeeding thing work without even thinking twice! The nurses in the hospital were absolutely useless when it came to helping. I kept telling them that it hurt so bad and their reply, "honey, breastfeeding just hurts. You just have to get used it it." Well, after just 3 days I was cracked, bleeding, blistered and hurting! Honestly, I was quite convinced breastfeeding is worse than labor. Then again, I had a near perfect labor story. The pump became my new best friend for the next couple days until today. Anna took right to it once we got help finding a good latch! I fed her all day today and suprise suprise, it doesn't hurt anymore! Quite excited to get this figured out! Peter has been absolutely amazing with helping me figure out this whole process. He's been so supportive. He always makes sure I have a glass of water and drink it when I nurse to make sure I'm getting enough fluids. He makes sure I'm doing ok and checks to see if I need anything. Then, after I nurse, he'll take her and burp her and check her diaper. He's already such an amazing daddy. I've loved seeing him begin to bond with her and just want to be with her. Truly an amazing process. I'm so in love with our little growing family......

A little Peanut named Anna.....

Anna Grace LeDuc has arrived! In truly one amazing story. Friday night, leap day, my water broke as I was getting ready for work around 6:00 pm. I wasn't quite sure if it was it or not because I coughed and figured I peed again as pregnancy goes, it's a little hard to hold your bladder with a good sneeze, especially with all the weight on your bladder! Anyway, so I went to the bathroom to see if I had to pee and no.....nothing but I still had a little leak. So, I figured it was my water! I told Peter and we packed our bags and headed for Reno. We got to the hospital around 7:30 and were in a room around 8 pm. No contractions yet, just hanging out. The nurse wanted to get a good sample of leaking fluid to do a ferning test to make sure it was my water that broke, especially because it was a pretty slow continuous leak. It took a while to get a good test because I kept leaking! So, she had my lay down completely flat and wait for it to pool. Finally around 11:30 she got a good sample and by 12 AM they told us we were officially admitted. So, we settled in at 12 AMish. I got an IV started and because I wasn't having great regular contractions yet, they started pitocin around 1:00. I was 4 cm at this point. Around 1:30 I got an epidural, not because I was hurting but because I was so tired and wanted to sleep. So, numb I was for about 1/2 an hour. Then, I started feeling everything on my left side so the epidural didn't completely work. I was regretting it at this point because I had numb legs, a numb butt, was tired, and still could feel everything in my left hip. In the mean time I was able to rest a little bit while Peter slept. Around 3 AM the nurse kept coming in about every 10 minutes because she couldn't get Anna to stay on the monitor to watch her heart rate so they kept re-adjusting the monitor. Around 4:15 she came in again with another nurse and told me they were going to put an internal monitor on her just to get a good tracing. At this point they also asked if I was feeling any pressure.......my answer.....nope, and the pain on the left side is gone. They weren't too suprised as they didn't expected me to progress all that quickly being a first baby and all. The nurse went to put the monitor in and paused....she then told the other nurse we wouldn't need the monitor and to go call the doctor because she could see Anna's head! The doctor got there at about 4:30 and I pushed with 4 contractions and she was here, no tears, no rips, no stiches, and no episiotomies!! It went so fast!

We came home today around noon. Anna got the ok from the pediatrician and I'm feeling great. It's nice to be home in a quiet house and begin to get to know her. She's absolutely amazing and perfect and I'm so thankful today!

The stats:

6 lbs 4 oz
19 inches long
March 1, 2008 at 4:56 AM