Our Days are Numbered...

Tonight at work, I had an overwhelming reminder. I know that life is short, our days are numbered by the Lord and it is up to him to call you home, however, whenever and where ever when or where that may be. Our lives live soley in his hands and his alone. Tonight at work as I watched two very young people leave this earth in sudden instances, the Lord reminded me of that. As I try everything I can to save these people with a whole medical team, nothing I do matters in the end. God has already spoken, and I am not in control, the patient's life and outcome lies in his hands, not mine. Surrender! With these losses, it made me question myself. Have I been loving well, living well, and praising him for every minute he's so graciously granted me on this earth? Have I praised him enough for this new baby and the timing of it all? Have I completely surrendered control of my life to him? The answer is no, not even close. I thought I had but I really haven't, it is one of my biggest struggles. It is so easy for me to forget that we are not in control. We like to be in control of life, we like to say when we have kids, where we will live, what we will do, where we will go, who we will marry, if we marry etc. I personally love to plan everything. I like planning what I'm going to eat for lunch, where I'm going to work, what I'm going to do, where I want to live. What has God said to all this, it doesn't matter because it's really up to him. He knows every move, every weakness, every desire, want, need. He's proved this in our move to Truckee (the last place I thought I'd ever live), with this suprise baby, with a job that I don't love. Through it all, his power and control of my life is overwhelming. He's guided every step and made it so obvious, was I just missing it? He's beginning to show me how much he's taught me these past couple months in trusting him and his plans for my life. It was just more powerful tonight than ever before.

On a lighter note, I played with the doppler at work tonight and heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time, very exciting! Thank you Lord for life, for creating life, and holding our lives in your hands.

What was that all about?

I think I had my first bout of morning sickness this morning. I was standing at the stove making my well loved french toast for Peter and I and all of a sudden I felt an overwhelming sea of nausea come over me. Thank goodness I hadn't eaten anything yet! Peter finished the batch of french toast and I proceeded to dry heave about 6 times into the sink and finally threw up my couple sips of orange juice. I felt so much better afterwards! I ate breakfast and then felt great. I don't know what that nausea was all about....

My new love...

I haven't really had any cravings thus far but.....it happened.....My new love of the week........French Toast! It's great. It's great with syrup, it's great with powdered sugar, it's great just warm to eat. It's good on wheat bread, wheat cinnamon raisin swirl bread, it's great on sourdough, on french, and even better on Hawaiian bread. It has protein from the eggs, some whole grains if it's on wheat, and overall it just makes the best breakfast ever!

I just don't think it's gonna fit.....

So I felt ambitious this morning and drove to Reno to the REI which was having their .83 cent sale. This means, anything that ends in .83 is 50% off. Now, we're talking The North Face, Marmot, REI brand, Prana, you name it, brand names 50% off! So, of course my husband the e-bay junkie sent me out to spend a small fortune so we can sell most of what I bought today on e-bay and make a small fortune selling things back for 75% of retail. While in the store I found some great stuff for me. I got great deals on all sorts of stuff! I got a really nice North Face jacket today for 25 dollars and it isn'st even ugly.......but......it's not going to zip up this winter. So, most of what I got will have to be for next winter because this winter, I just don't think it's gonna fit......

Still processing.....

So, I have never really been the girl to fantasize about having babies, I wasn't the one who had the names picked out before I even met my husband, wasn't the one who wanted to stay home and be a mommy, and definately wasn't one who was in a rush to have babies, not the one to cry when hearing the heartbeat for the first time or with the first picture. Well, the time is now and my prayers are for excitement. As I sit and think about this little one growing inside of me it is such a foreign thought. I struggle with feelings of being scared, nervous, not ready, too young, and all that being a parent entails. We definately weren't expecting this little one but it is here and God has created this little being in his image and for his purpose. I was praying Psalm 139 over this little one this morning but it just isn't real yet! Yes, I do feel thicker in the middle but for some reason I find myself thinking I'm just gaining weight before remembering, oh yeah, I am pregnant, it's the beginning of a baby bump! I can't feel this baby yet, I can't see it, I can't touch it. So, this whole experience is just not quite real yet! It's been hard getting excited for this little person when it's taken so long to process the idea! So, still processing..............